I senselessly lament
because time + again
I forget how much weeding
is needed before
The path to where I am going is never straight, it is filled with bumps or detours, but I eventually get where I want to go. I imagine that other people have a straighter path, although it is more likely that theirs was just as winding in its own way. This week while preparing drawings for the VAA/CARFAC Ten Voices show that begins at the end of August, I had some setbacks with the framing. The D-rings, which are required for the exhibition, failed once I attached picture wire to them. As it turns out the frames I found after much searching (quality 24×36 frames are not as ubiquitous as I thought they would be) were not meant to be used with picture wire. After an evening spent worrying, and a trip to the craft store to speak to a framer today, I ended up buying new frames. Not an expense I wanted to incur, but I am glad I was able to find a frame that will work. Rather than dwelling on this as a mistake, I am looking on it as a live and learn scenario. I am also very glad the failure occurred before the show!
In the midst of my escalating anxiety yesterday, as I counted the days until I have to deliver my drawings for the exhibition, I stopped and took the time to listen to a meditation audio file. The last couple of months I have been trying meditation. I use it to help fall asleep, to calm my brain when I wake up (and immediately start listing lists and scenarios in my head), and to help when I am stuck in a worry spiral. The instructor was Sarah Blondin, who posts audio files on Insight Timer (the meditation app I use) as well as on her podcast. Her style is more story telling with some breathing focus at the end. When my mind is whirling I like the story and I find the topics to be relevant to my life.
The photograph Crash is how I envision my brain when I start getting anxious. As many possible negative scenarios as I can imagine in a moment crashing into each other with increasing intensity. But if I stop and ask why I am filled with anxiety and give a voice to it, the waves start to calm, and I start back on the winding path to where I want to go.
Image: ©Deann Stein Hasinoff Crash 2017